Another BCR Original:
K-Dub, Crypto Zombie, Studier of Charts
Vlogged subscribers, who agreed with some parts
Not bad, eh? Don't worry this part of the rhyme
Starts off pretty good but gets worse with time.
When moonboys saw the curve that Satoshi intended
By whales and institutions had been badly bended
What now? wailed the moonboys. Said K Dub, "I'll mend it",
No techie am I, but a Technical Analyst.
Consider Bitcoins. Now, these teeny blockettes
Are sometimes like rocks, and then sometimes like rockets.
If that’s not confusing, the Alt Crypto dance
Of Etherium and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though — my theory permits us to judge
Why some of ’em rest and the rest of ’em budge.”
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E’en Bulgogi had doubts, and so K Dub tried
To tell him what technical analysis implied.
Said K to Bul, “Brother, suppose we’ve a Bit,
And inside a wallet we have put that $hit —
Along with Etherium and Average Joe's,
Couple of Litecoin, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got ’em,
One Green Lambo, one decaying ottom
Or atom — whatever — but when it emits,
A whale short blasts the Lambo to bits
Which snuffs our poor wallet. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The wallet's long. The hour’s passed away. Is
Our Lambo moon-bound — or did it get slayed?
Now, you’d say the Bit either gains or it don’t
But technical analysis is stubborn and won’t.
Statistically speaking, the Bit (goes the joke),
Is half a Bit moon-bound and half a Bit croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But technical analysis must answer, ‘Tough shit.
We may not know much, but one thing’s fo’ sho’:
There’s things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Long or short Cryptos — you’ll cause them to swerve.
The act of trading disturbs the curve—
Which ruins your test. But then if there’s no testing
To see if a Bitcoin is falling or besting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability — certainty, never.’
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
‘Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the moon boys will say on Twitter
“We’ve just flipped a coin and my home's now the shitter!
So said Herr K-Dub. Quoth Bulgogi, “You’re nuts.
God doesn’t play dice with the universe, putz.
I’ll prove it!” he said, and the Lord knows he tried —
In vain — until fin’ly he more or less died.
Dub spoke at the funeral: “Listen, dear friends,
Bulgogi was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I’ll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he’s in heaven — but a Nano X says he ain’t.”
K-Dub, Crypto Zombie, Studier of Charts
Vlogged subscribers, who agreed with some parts
Not bad, eh? Don't worry this part of the rhyme
Starts off pretty good but gets worse with time.
When moonboys saw the curve that Satoshi intended
By whales and institutions had been badly bended
What now? wailed the moonboys. Said K Dub, "I'll mend it",
No techie am I, but a Technical Analyst.
Consider Bitcoins. Now, these teeny blockettes
Are sometimes like rocks, and then sometimes like rockets.
If that’s not confusing, the Alt Crypto dance
Of Etherium and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though — my theory permits us to judge
Why some of ’em rest and the rest of ’em budge.”
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E’en Bulgogi had doubts, and so K Dub tried
To tell him what technical analysis implied.
Said K to Bul, “Brother, suppose we’ve a Bit,
And inside a wallet we have put that $hit —
Along with Etherium and Average Joe's,
Couple of Litecoin, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got ’em,
One Green Lambo, one decaying ottom
Or atom — whatever — but when it emits,
A whale short blasts the Lambo to bits
Which snuffs our poor wallet. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The wallet's long. The hour’s passed away. Is
Our Lambo moon-bound — or did it get slayed?
Now, you’d say the Bit either gains or it don’t
But technical analysis is stubborn and won’t.
Statistically speaking, the Bit (goes the joke),
Is half a Bit moon-bound and half a Bit croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But technical analysis must answer, ‘Tough shit.
We may not know much, but one thing’s fo’ sho’:
There’s things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Long or short Cryptos — you’ll cause them to swerve.
The act of trading disturbs the curve—
Which ruins your test. But then if there’s no testing
To see if a Bitcoin is falling or besting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability — certainty, never.’
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
‘Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the moon boys will say on Twitter
“We’ve just flipped a coin and my home's now the shitter!
So said Herr K-Dub. Quoth Bulgogi, “You’re nuts.
God doesn’t play dice with the universe, putz.
I’ll prove it!” he said, and the Lord knows he tried —
In vain — until fin’ly he more or less died.
Dub spoke at the funeral: “Listen, dear friends,
Bulgogi was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I’ll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he’s in heaven — but a Nano X says he ain’t.”
Related Ideas
